It says all August 24, 2008

Never play on someone who showed you what love means. Coz only when it’s too late that you realized, you’ve lost something you would never ever have again. Never ever reach a point where you regret something just because you thought it was a mistake.  Remember, once upon a time, it made you smile.  Be fair to yourself, don’t cry for someone who doesn’t deserve your tears. There’s no use holding on someone who has been hurting you. Don’t love too much. Remember, sometimes you can’t stop yourself from hoping for yesterday to come back; especially when yesterday was the only future you ever wanted and needed from the start.  Why would I keep avoiding those people who hate me if I could make their life miserable by just existing – motto ng mga maldita.  Which is better, to hide in the shadows, stay silent, avoid the pain or to pretend you’re alright where in reality a thousand blades are pierced through your heart?  This one can make you think… sometimes it’s not love, sometimes you’ve just become so attached that you’ve developed a need for that person. Just a need, not love. It’s easy to say goodbye but too hard to forget.  Why? Because love is more than words can say, once you’ve fallen, you can’t help but all over and over again.  So even if goodbyes have been said, there’s something in the heart that says please stay.  Why? Because it’s love and the reason is unknown, despite the pain and the heartaches, love will always retain its pride, its sweetness, its mystery.  I used to be intelligent; I’ve done things without failing. Then suddenly someone came unexpectedly.  Now I’m wondering, “Do people really have to be stupid for the sake of being happy?”  No one in this world is single; each of us is taken only in different levels. Some of us are happily taken, and some are happily being taken for granted. Sometimes, it’s easier to let the one you love go without knowing the real reason.  Because it would surely hurt more when you find it unreasonable.  Sometimes we just have to let go of someone who matters to us not because we want to but we have to, because it’s the right thing to do. Let us remember that we cannot force anyone to love us and we can’t beg someone to stay when he/she wants to leave and be with someone else. This is what love is all about, however, the end of love is not the end of life, it should be the beginning of understanding that love leaves for a reason and leaves with a lesson…

 

Pagninilay… July 29, 2008

 

Ang sikip ng mundo. Parang ang hirap gumalaw. O ako lang ba talaga ang nasisikipan?

 

Sabi nila, masaya mamuhay sa mundo. Napakapalad. Kasi nga naman, marami dyan ang ni hindi na nasikatan ng araw. Marami dyan ang saglit lang, umalis din. Samantalang ako, matagal tagal na din ang itinatagal ko rito sa mundong ibabaw. Pero bakit ganun? Parang hindi masaya?

 

Aaminin ko, may mga ’saya’ moments naman ako. Marami yun. Pero ganun talaga e, mas naa-outweigh ng ’sad’ moments. Haay. Napaka pesimistiko ko na naman.

 

Test lang daw ito. Pagsubok – Mas marami pang dadating na mas malala pa ito. Nasa sayo na lang kung pano mo ito titignan. Kung pano mo ito haharapin. Ito tanong ko: Kung sugatan ka na ba sa naunang laban, mas nanaisin mo pa bang suungin ang ikalawa?

 

Ako siguro hindi. Bawat ’sad’ moment sakin kasi may tatak. Kumbaga may imprint na sa utak ko. Sabi ko nga, kung kaya ko lang warakin ang sarili ko. Palitan ko ulit ng bago gagawin ko. Matanggal ko lang ang mga pangit na alaala at mga gawi ko. Para kasi akong kabinet. Kada bilang ng araw inaagiw. Naluluma.

 

Ewan. Gusto kong lumayo muna. Mapag-isa. Mag-isip kung ano ang nangyari bakit nagkaganun. Gusto kong linisin ang sarili ko, sa labas at sa loob. Gusto ko malinaw ang pag-iisip ko.

 

Gusto ko Magnilay.

 

 

 Pulot ko ito sa hindi ko na matandaan kung saan.  Sa una, hindi ko napigilan makaramdan ng lungkot para sa kanya.   Naalala ko kasi minsan sa isang chapter ng buhay ko iisa kami ng nararamdaman. 

 

Totoo! Nagnilay din ako sa isang malayong lugar… sa parte ng Visayas ako napadpad.  Isang isla na walang ilaw kada ika-sampu ng gabi hanggang ika-anim ng umaga.  Ibang-iba sa kinalakihan ko at nakagawian.  Inisip ko baka sakali duon magawa kong hanapin ang sarili ko… baka sakali duon mahilamusan ng tubig- dagat ang sakit na nararamdaman ko.  Pero hindi ako nagtagumpay, dahil sa tinagal tagal ko duon umuwi ako na “AKO” pa din.  Ang “Ako” na kaya harapin ang bawat pagsubok na darating.  Ang “Ako” na meron tiwala sa sarili at higit sa lahat me tiwala  sa “Kanya”.  Dahil siya ang me alam ng kung ano ang mas makakabuti at nararapat.  Duon ko lang nalaman walang dapat hanapin, wala naman nawawala.  Ako ay ako pa din pagdating ko sa “Maynila”.

 

Why the trees are silent July 28, 2008

An old man and his little granddaughter were sitting in the park.  The weather was sunny, the air was still.  They were both looking at the trees when the little girl said, “Grandpa, can those trees talk?”.

The old man nodded, “you bet they can.”“

“But, grandpa, they never do.”

“You’re right,” said the old man, they never do.”

“Why not, grandpa?”

The old man smiled, “They’re too busy.

The child stared at him, “Too busy, grandpa? What do they do?”

The old man paused for a moment.  “You see honey,” he said, “Those trees give honor to God.  They stand there and lift up their arms and praise God.  That’s what they do all day – and all night.”

The child frowned, then smiled, then she nodded, and simply said, “Hmmm, isn’t that something!”

Yes that was really something isnt it?  Those trees are really busy that it makes me realized that it was Sunday a few hours ago.  But I didn’t had the chance to visit HIM… attended Mass I mean.  I know it is my obligation as a Catholic, my bad really.  I guess these past few months I was too busy with everything — and maybe even with nothing.  Too busy with work, too busy with friends, too busy with stuff, too busy with my so called life… just simply busy enough to always forgot.  Sometimes I do asked myself “Am I just to busy or maybe I am just keeping away?”  Well, I have this thing that whenever I am there and talking to Him, I can’t help myself crying while praying.  Yes! Silly me but that’s what I do.  Seeing me is like two things, it’s either you’ll say what’s with her? Or feel sorry for her [Me].  

Only He knows what’s inside my heart…   

A Letter to the ONE GOD has Prepared for ME ♥♥♥ July 6, 2008

> a few days ago i overheard my Staff talking about a certain letter… and the term they use is so “kakarelate”.  Well here’s the infamous letter thanks to Mr. Goggle and whoever wrote this one “tama nga kakarelate”.   

I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me, if you like me, you are wondering what is taking us so long to find each other

Many times I thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended. I get up each morning hoping, dreaming, longing to meet you. I am thinking of how we will Meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we are meant for each other? Oh how I wish you were here right now because you are the only one who has the answers to all my questions.

Sometimes I ask myself if I have ever really known “love”. I do not have the answer to that question either but I believe that, more often than not, we will never really know what love is until we find that right person….

You just don’t know how often I dream of finally knowing what it feels like to be in your arms. Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps I would be drawn to you by your smile, or your eyes, or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways! I don’t really know for sure but I am praying that God will help me recognize you when the right time comes.

I think of all the pain that I have gone through in the past and of how much I have cried since the day I began my search. I just wanted you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful life ahead of me — the life I shall spend with you. In my mind and in my heart I know that you are worth all that pain and sacrifice. After all, the tears have become a part of my life and I believe that they are slowly washing away my flaws so that I would become perfect, not perfect in its truest sense, but perfect — for YOU! I wonder if you’ve gone through so much pain as well. I wonder if you’ve been hurt so many times along the journey. But my dearest one, please don’t ever give up because I am right here… patiently waiting for you! I assure you that when we finally find each other I would slowly heal those wounds by my love.

At night, I would look out my window and stare at the beautiful sky, hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I utter a silent prayer and send all my cries to the heavens above thinking that in time they would reach you. And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe that you are on your way and that you are longing to see me as well. It is funny but when I finally fall asleep, it is still you that I think of, for you are always in my dreams. It seems that, for now, that is the only place where I can hold on to you, long enough to tell you how much I love you. In my dreams you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your arms of love.

And this, all the more, makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead with the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a dream but a reality and once again I am assured that you are worth the wait. And when that time comes, everything will fall into its place, just as I had imagined, just as I had thought and dreamed, just as I had believed it would be! By then, I would simply look back and smile at all that I have gone through, inspite of the pain and amidst the simple joys of life — and I would be very thankful because they all led me to you!

In the meantime, take care of yourself for me. Hold on to our dream and don’t even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no matter what happens. God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow the directions. Don’t worry, don’t be afraid about getting lost, God saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you choose to follow…lead to me

Pwede pa naman.. “in time” June 21, 2008

Pwede pa naman ako humabol…

Madami naman na tulad ko na bumagsak pero diba ika nga “In time”. 

Hindi ko lang maubos maisip, ano ba meron sa isang papel na iyon?  Kung susuriin isa lamang ito na pangkaraniwan at paglipas ng panahon maninilaw sa kalumaan.  Ewan ko!

 

Ang totoo at hindi ko ito ikakaila na kahit ganun lang yun ka- ordinaryo minsan sa buhay ko hinangad ko rin ang papel na yun.  Sino ba naman ako para hindi mangarap… mangarap ng ilan taon.  Sa sitwasyon ko ngayon parang malabo, parang di pa rin napapanahon, parang di pa rin “In time”.  Pero hindi ko ito ipagsisiksikan at hindi sumagi sa isip ko na ipagpilitan.  Maging isa itong karaniwan tampulan ng kantyaw.  Wala naman masama kung uulitin ko diba. Kung mag uumpisa ako muli… kung mangangarap ako muli.  Hindi dahilan na minsan akong nangarap at nabigo,  para ako mawalan ng pag asa at sumuko na lang.   

 

Swertehan lang naman daw talaga ang labanan.

Me mga kilala din naman ako na madaling sinuwerte… pero pagkatapos ano na ba ang nangyari?  Tulad ko din.. bumabangon, nag uumpisa ang pag kakaiba me hawak sila na papel na pilit nilang pinabubura ang letra.  Para sa akin hindi ito swertehan na parang nanalo ka sa lotto o kamalasan na parang nabaon ka sa utang.  Eto ang tinatawag na parte ng buhay lamang.  Tuloy tuloy lang ang laban!

what today is all about April 26, 2008

… I need to move, I need to wake up, I need to change, I need to shake up, I need to speak out, something’s got to break up, I’ve been asleep and I need to wake up now…

katamad mode February 10, 2008

  fast forward

 fast forward

 fast forward

fasssstttt forrrrrwaaaarrdd!!!

ay aliw ako hihihi

12 days before Heart’s Day February 2, 2008

12 days before Valentine’s Day and yet I can feel that LOVE is definitely in the air… “even at my work place”.   I couldn’t help smiling to myself even now, LOVE does make people… hmm, babyish in many ways.  The funny thing about love is that it really does find you in the most unusual circumstances, at the most unlikely times.  Love will surely come upon you, throw its arms around you, and transform your entire existence.  Unfortunately, most of us won’t recognize the experience or understand the impact when it’s happening.  It’s like being in a therapy.  You keep talking, searching, and questioning what’s going on with you and in you while being totally ignorant of the fact that you are being blessed.  Perhaps it’s because love rarely shows up in the places that we expect it to or looks the way we expect it to look.  — I still believe that  is the all-time MAGIC word! — Sigh Sigh…

paano ba ngumiti? January 16, 2008

“Smile ka naman!”

^Yan madalas sinasabi sa akin pag me pichuran…  

“Naka smile na ako”

^Yan ang lagi kung tugon… 

“Ilabas mo ngipin mo noh!” 

[Putik naman - pati ba naman pag ngiti ko… HMP!] 

^“O ayan labas ipin na!”

“Gandahan mo naman ngiti mo! – ang sabi uli”

“Nagpa-picture ka pa”

^wahhhhhhhh  yoko na magpapicture. 

Ewan ko ba pero paano ba ang tamang pag-ngiti?  Kasimple-simpleng bagay pero parang hindi ko ata alam gawin. Kapag ngingiti ba ang tao dapat ba nakalabas ang ngipin?  Kelan ba naging panuntunan na ang pag-ngiti ay may kasamang ngipin na nakalabas?  Hayz!  But in fairness effective ang word na “cheese” sa akin, lumalabas ngipin ko eh. 

Eh pano kung madilaw ang ngipin mo… maraming sira o me bulok.  Gugustuhin mo pa bang ngumiti at makita ng lahat ng tao?  At masaya mo bang babanggitin ang salitang “cheese? Ewwww!  Kung ako yun sabihin ko na lang camera shy ako [hahahha]  Dahil panigurado Goodbye pogi-points o ganda-points mo dun [weeehhhh] 

Eto ang sa akin…Ang pag-ngiti ay walang pamantayan.  Me mga taong ubod ganda ang pag ngiti pero ubod lungkot naman.  Itinatago lang ng mga ngiting iyon ang sakit o kalungkutan nararamdaman…  “façade” ika nga… pang-harap lang.  Mas gugustuhin ko na lang h’wag humarap sa camera kesa pilitin kung ngumiti ng ubod ganda.   

“Hoy Michelle ano ba! Nagmuni-muni ka pa jan! Ngumiti kana!”

^Eto na eto na! ngingiti na bumilang kana! 

1..2..3.. click click 

“Maldita ka Mikaela bat nakadila ka?

^ HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH

mushy, gooey, squishy January 14, 2008

Have you ever felt like screaming at the top of your lungs? I felt like wanting to do one now.  For one good valid reason.  But you know me, I would likely keep it to myself like one of my precious jewelry.  And then, I’ll be waiting and waiting and waiting… For one special occasion to put it out in the open.

Or

I am being mushy, gooey, squishy, over-sentimental for one thing, for just one small thing. 

Darn!

Hmp!  I dont know if I wanted to kiss you or kick you tomorrow. 

^Sya ba o Ako?

 

  im not making sense here.  Goodnight.